Making the Magic Without Losing Your Mind
A Mom’s Guide to the Holiday Season
The holiday season is coming fast — ready or not.
Every year, I see three kinds of moms emerge around this time:
The ridiculously prepared mom who’s been thinking about Christmas since June.
The go-with-the-flow mom who’s doing her best to keep up.
And the steamrolled mom — the one who wakes up somewhere in mid-December wondering how everything spiraled so fast.
No matter which one you are, one thing’s for sure: the pressure is real.
Moms are often the magic makers — the ones who remember the class parties, plan the meals, manage the family schedule, buy the gifts, and try to keep everyone emotionally afloat. And right or wrong, a lot of that responsibility falls on us. But here’s the truth I want you to hold onto: it doesn’t have to feel so heavy.
Why It Feels So Heavy
The holidays bring joy, but they can also bring stress — and not just the “I have too much to do” kind. This time of year can trigger a lot: anxiety, depression, ADHD flare-ups, even trauma or family-of-origin wounds.
There’s pressure from schools (dress-up days, parties), work obligations, and extended family expectations. And when we’re trying to hold it all together, it’s easy to lose ourselves in the process.
If we don’t pause to think ahead, the season can bulldoze us. But when we take a few intentional steps — what I like to call preemptive strikes — we can make space for peace, joy, and connection again.
Preemptive Strikes: Getting Ahead of the Chaos
Start small, but start now.
Grab a notebook, or sit down with your partner or a few trusted friends, and look at what’s coming.
What are your kids’ teachers already planning?
What family events are on the horizon?
What travel or scheduling pieces need to be nailed down early?
The simple act of writing it out can release mental pressure. Those “I should…” thoughts take up valuable brain space. When you get them on paper, you move them out of your head and into something you can actually manage.
You can even set personal goals:
“I’d like to finish Halloween costumes by this date.”
“I want to decorate the house by this weekend.”
“We need to talk about how we want to celebrate Thanksgiving this year.”
When things are visible and defined, they’re no longer looming. You can breathe again.
“The simple act of writing it out can release mental pressure. Those “I should…” thoughts take up valuable brain space. ”
Honest Conversations (With Yourself and Your Partner)
Before you get too deep into logistics, take a quiet moment to ask yourself:
What’s really important to me this season?
Which traditions bring joy, and which ones feel like obligation?
What does my family truly need right now, in this season of life?
Then, sit down with your partner.
You both need to be in alignment. Maybe you have a newborn, a toddler who needs extra support, or teens with packed calendars. Life looks different every year, and your traditions can too.
Ask yourselves:
What do we value most about this time of year?
What do we want our kids to remember?
What can we let go of, guilt-free?
It’s okay if the answers surprise you. Sometimes we discover that a “beloved tradition” doesn’t actually serve us anymore — and that’s growth.
Setting Boundaries (Without the Guilt)
Once you’ve made decisions about what works for your family, it’s time for the hard part: telling other people.
Within the past six years, my family had to cancel two Christmases because of sickness. My son is immunocompromised, and what felt like a small risk to others was a big one for us. It was heartbreaking, but it also gave us perspective. We realized that protecting our family’s peace and health had to come first — even when others didn’t understand.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
To unhealthy people, boundaries can look selfish.
To healthy people, boundaries are a form of respect.
Setting them early — and communicating them clearly — teaches others how to treat you. And when people push back? As Mel Robbins says, “Let them.”
Let them be upset. Let them disagree.
You can feel sad too — and still stand by your choices.
Boundaries don’t make you rude; they make you healthy.
Reframing the Season
The holidays shouldn’t just be something we survive.
They’re meant to be enjoyed.
When you honor your needs and your family’s limits, you create space for connection and calm. You stop moving on autopilot and start being present.
We’ve all had those years where we said “yes” to everything — every event, every request — and ended up exhausted, resentful, or sick. Slowing down and choosing differently can actually give your family a sense of peace and comfort they’ve never known during the holidays.
Remember: your job isn’t to please everyone. It’s to meet the needs of the people you’re responsible for — yourself included.
And research consistently shows that one of the best gifts we can give our children is healthy parents. Parents who care for themselves, their relationships, and their mental well-being. That care flows into every area of your kids’ lives.
Reflection Questions for the Season
Take a few minutes to sit quietly — maybe with a cup of coffee and a cozy blanket — and think through these questions:
What traditions or activities do we want to repeat this year?
Which ones can we skip, and why?
Is there something new we’d like to add?
What’s our intention or goal for this season?
What lesson do we want to teach (or learn) as a family?
Are there emotional or physical challenges we need to prepare for?
Take time to think through these questions yourself, and have conversations with your partner so that you are in alignment about what you want the holidays to look like this year.
These questions help you shift from survival mode to clarity — and with clarity comes peace.
From Survival to Peace
I wish more moms recognized how powerful it is to pause and ask: What do I really need this season?
When we do that work — naming our needs, clarifying our values, and setting boundaries — we move out of constant reaction and into intentional living.
And when we live with intention, the holidays stop being something we just “get through.” They become something we actually experience — with peace, joy, and presence.
You’re the magic maker, yes. But you deserve to feel the magic too.
